Monday, December 8, 2008

I'm much too young to feel this damn old

Sorry to disappoint but this post will not be a tribute to Garth Brooks (no matter what I chose to title it). Instead this will be a rant about how I am 28 years old and this morning feel like I am about 85!

With the start of my new part time job (which is more physical than any full time job I've ever had) I have aches and pains in places I never knew existed in the last 28 years. I'm all for getting into better shape, hell I even begged and pleaded with my husband for a year to buy me one of those Ab Loungers because I just knew I would use it daily and end up with Abs of Steel (a word to the wise.... learn from my mistake people... I do NOT use this thing and it now is just an addition to things in my bedroom that A) do not match and B) do not get used (like my husband when he makes fun of me for not using the Ab Lounger ha ha take that honey)

So none the less I thought this job would be a great way to get out of the house for a few hours a day, before I freakin lose my mind and also to get into better shape... so far .... not so good!

I have however learned a few things about myself thru this strange journey the first and foremost is that I am a person who expects a "quick turn around" i.e. I take the job and expect to be in the best shape of my life in no less than one week,give or take a day or two, I mean seriously a week should be plenty of time right? WRONG I bust my ass for a few hours a day, enough that I hurt from top to bottom the day after and nothing, not one larger muscle, not one smaller pants size I've got nadda!! Well SHIT!

Secondly this job is really starting to feed my ego! Laugh if you will but I have two stories to tell here and you will just have to suffer thru them both (I say as I am stroking my ego),both of these happened last week. First my husband called me last week and told me that he had just made a delivery to a place along his route that I had helped him deliver to the week before and was asked (and I quote) "hey man, what did you do with that hot girl you had helping you" (now this story would be much better if my husband hadn't replied "oh you mean my wife, yeah she's ok to look at but certifiably crazy, which SOOO makes up for it you should try living with her, seriously she's nutz" JACKASS) now on to the 2nd story I was backing up to the dock at one of my pick ups and noticed one of my good friends that works there slowly walking up to the passenger side of my truck (knowing Mike as well as I do, I figured he was going to wait until I wasn't looking and slap the box of my truck to try to scare the shit of out me and make me think I had hit something) but alas he didn't, turns out he was taking a smoke break with a bunch of guys he works with and when they saw me pull into the parking lot the following comment was made "wonder if that's the hot Fed-Ex girl" (Mike then took it upon himself to try to make a quick buck off of this and said "I bet ya $5 that if it is the hot girl I can get her to hug me before she leaves" all the while knowing that they had no idea that we knew each other) I helped him win the $5 just because he told me the story and made me feel a little better about myself on what had started out being a bad day!!

Now for the Third and final lesson I have learned from this job, there are two kinds of people in this world "Helpers" and "Non-Helpers". Non-Helpers SUCK ASS!!! As you might have guessed there is a story to go along with this lesson in the way of the world so, without further ado here ya go.
Most of the stops on my route are places where I can back up to a dock which generally makes things a lot easier on me, I get out throw open the back door of the truck grab and scan what needs to be shipped shut the back door and take off. However, there are a few places that ship out some heavy shit, we are talking 60 lbs or 65 lbs boxes (just for a little added wow factor Danny has told me before that he has had some at this specific pick up that have been 90-95 lbs) none the less say you have 20 boxes and about 12 of them weigh 60 to 65 lbs and you yourself only weigh about 105 on a good day... yeah you see where I'm going with this don't ya... It's all I can do by about that 5th box to get these damn things into the back of my truck, dock or no dock! This is where I get totally fascinated!

Last week I wrestled about 11 boxes into my turck all of them weighing over 50 lbs and I know for a fact that I did NOT do this gracefully, hell it took all I had in me just to get them in there much less in any order so that I can still manage to navigate thru my truck at the remainder of my stops. So fast forward to the next day, I get there to do my pick up and there is a 18 wheeler parked in my spot (Divine intervention, I think so) so I call Danny and tell him I've got no where to park so he agrees to do the pick up for me later and I go on about my merry way. I get home that night and ask him how that pick up went, if they had a lot of boxes, were they heavier than shit (you know all the important questions) he then tells me that one of the ladies that works there came over while he was getting all of the packages and started telling him "that little girl you guys hired sure was having a hard time yesterday, I just watched and watched her struggle with our shipment yesterday, man was she having a hard time with it all". I freakin lost it at this point, Danny agreed with me too I might add, I said 4 letter words that I'm almost sure I've never said before (Caleb was in bed hopefully not listening) none the less I was pissed!! Not only was she watching me but more than likely sitting on her ass laughing at me and the thought of that alone makes me see red! WTF???

So I leave you with one question... are you a "Helper" or a "Non-Helper"??

P.S. Santa hates NON-HELPERS! Yeah that's right, that bitch is getting coal this year, hell she'll be lucky if I don't dump a whole Fed-Ex truck load on her car at work!!!

3 Comments:

Blogger ~Ronda~ said...

Ok, I have just one question, do you have to wear the little blue uniforms that they wear?? And secondly I have it all figured it out...you drive since your sooo tiny, and I will lift all the damn boxes, since I am Amazon woman!! But only if we get to stop along the way and have a few margaritas to numb the pain!!

December 8, 2008 at 11:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hillarious! I am so glad I am a helper! What do ya say....I need to get into shape anyways lets switch jobs for 1 or 2 days a week. That will help get me out of the house and in shape. I will even do the heavy one's b/c Lord knows I need to be in shape rather than a shape worse than u!

He He!

December 8, 2008 at 2:59 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

I am both but mostly I am a helper.

December 8, 2008 at 7:07 PM  

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