Monday (aka Tinkerbell ass kickin)
Now before you get all "up in arms" on me let me say that I have nothing against Tinkerbell, the little Disney fairy, she's cool as shit and Caleb tells me that I am pretty like her so I'm totally down with her!
However, Tinkerbell, the black weiner dog, that I had the most unfortunate pleasure of meeting yesterday, TOP.OF.MY.SHIT.LIST!
My day at work started off bad, and just continually got WORSE yesterday. It was one of those days where you actually stop and think "can all of this shit REALLY be happening to me, in ONE DAMN day?"
Danny called yesterday morning and told me that he put about 5 deliveries on my truck, they were all "runners" (places way, way out of the way of his normal route) (this is the part where I assume that I do NOT need to tell you again that I don't do deliveries... I was hired strictly for pick ups)
So none the less I drive off into oblivion (have I mentioned I really am NO GOOD with maps) looking for 5 houses in the middle of Tim-Buc-too, miss the first two houses REPEATEDLY (as in drove by both of them OVER and OVER and OVER again) which would not have happened if some backassward hicks would put FREAKIN numbers on either their house, or their mail box (seriously there are two places to put them, I would prefer that you put them on both, but if you don't feel so inclined to put them on both your house and your mail box, for the love of all that is good put them on one or the other.... or quit ordering shit to be delivered Mmmmkay)
So that started me off with a bang, my good mood had quickly faded into "I'm going to cut my husband" so needless to say I was thrilled when I came upon my last delivery (an hour and a half later... seriously it should not take an hour and a half to deliver 5 stops...) I got the two boxes outta my truck hiked my pissy ass up their long NARROW driveway(because my truck would not fit up it) and that's where I met Tinkerbell. She barked and yipped a little on my way to the front door but no Kujo yet so I was good (if you believe that your an IDIOT). Left both packages on the porch, rang the doorbell, took off for the truck..... this is the part where, if you are even the slightest bit "sensitive to animal rights" you might wanna just go ahead and click that little red "x" at the top right hand corner of your page.
The guy who (I will assume) lived at the house comes to the door to retrieve his packages and all of a sudden, annoying little Tinkerbell decides to turn into "bitch, here's where the rubber meets the road and I tear your effin leg off" Tinkerbell!
I kid you not, this damn dog takes in after my ass, starts biting my boot and working her way up my leg the whole time Captain Dumbass that lives there is standing in his doorway watching yelling "Tinkerbell no, bad dog"! Now this guy was fully dressed minus his shoes and you think when he saw his bitch of a dog start to attack the Fed-Ex girl he'd get his lazy ass in gear and come outside to pry her off of me... but no, Captain Dumbass doesn't move a muscle.
(Here's where I get pissed, I've had enough) this has been going on for about 30 seconds (which in my book was about 15 seconds longer than it should have) Captain Dumbass is still standing in the doorway yelling at Tinkerbell to stop, bad, no and I'm DONE!
I turn to Captain Dumbass and yell "I'm going to punt your dog across your yard if you don't get her off of me" (cause seriously it was either that, or she was going to take my scanner across the top of her head and I was worried that honestly that would have killed her)
To which he replies "don't hurt my dog, if you kick her it will hurt her"
all the while I'm kicking my leg wildly and just in the nick of time I managed to get the sweet, innocent (read HUGE fire-breathing BITCH) off my leg and high tail it for the truck, get in my truck and take off (here's where I really wish I could tell you that I heard a LOUD THUD but unfortunately I didn't run over the dog or her owner for that matter).
I called Danny and ripped him a new one, smoked like 50 cigarettes between where I was and the time I got back into town and managed to calm myself down so that I could officially start my day with all my pick ups.
About an hour later is when it really hit me, that I just totally got my ass kicked by a wenier dog named Tinkerbell.... I'm such a pussy!!
**small side note here**
After my night was over and I had gotten my truck back to the terminal, was leaving for the night to come home to my boys, it would seem that I apparently pissed off a county mounty who proceeded to scare the shit outta me and blue light me for NO REASON at all!! Just long enough to get me to pull over so this captain dumbass could speed around me to get home faster himself!! ASSHOLE!!
However, Tinkerbell, the black weiner dog, that I had the most unfortunate pleasure of meeting yesterday, TOP.OF.MY.SHIT.LIST!
My day at work started off bad, and just continually got WORSE yesterday. It was one of those days where you actually stop and think "can all of this shit REALLY be happening to me, in ONE DAMN day?"
Danny called yesterday morning and told me that he put about 5 deliveries on my truck, they were all "runners" (places way, way out of the way of his normal route) (this is the part where I assume that I do NOT need to tell you again that I don't do deliveries... I was hired strictly for pick ups)
So none the less I drive off into oblivion (have I mentioned I really am NO GOOD with maps) looking for 5 houses in the middle of Tim-Buc-too, miss the first two houses REPEATEDLY (as in drove by both of them OVER and OVER and OVER again) which would not have happened if some backassward hicks would put FREAKIN numbers on either their house, or their mail box (seriously there are two places to put them, I would prefer that you put them on both, but if you don't feel so inclined to put them on both your house and your mail box, for the love of all that is good put them on one or the other.... or quit ordering shit to be delivered Mmmmkay)
So that started me off with a bang, my good mood had quickly faded into "I'm going to cut my husband" so needless to say I was thrilled when I came upon my last delivery (an hour and a half later... seriously it should not take an hour and a half to deliver 5 stops...) I got the two boxes outta my truck hiked my pissy ass up their long NARROW driveway(because my truck would not fit up it) and that's where I met Tinkerbell. She barked and yipped a little on my way to the front door but no Kujo yet so I was good (if you believe that your an IDIOT). Left both packages on the porch, rang the doorbell, took off for the truck..... this is the part where, if you are even the slightest bit "sensitive to animal rights" you might wanna just go ahead and click that little red "x" at the top right hand corner of your page.
The guy who (I will assume) lived at the house comes to the door to retrieve his packages and all of a sudden, annoying little Tinkerbell decides to turn into "bitch, here's where the rubber meets the road and I tear your effin leg off" Tinkerbell!
I kid you not, this damn dog takes in after my ass, starts biting my boot and working her way up my leg the whole time Captain Dumbass that lives there is standing in his doorway watching yelling "Tinkerbell no, bad dog"! Now this guy was fully dressed minus his shoes and you think when he saw his bitch of a dog start to attack the Fed-Ex girl he'd get his lazy ass in gear and come outside to pry her off of me... but no, Captain Dumbass doesn't move a muscle.
(Here's where I get pissed, I've had enough) this has been going on for about 30 seconds (which in my book was about 15 seconds longer than it should have) Captain Dumbass is still standing in the doorway yelling at Tinkerbell to stop, bad, no and I'm DONE!
I turn to Captain Dumbass and yell "I'm going to punt your dog across your yard if you don't get her off of me" (cause seriously it was either that, or she was going to take my scanner across the top of her head and I was worried that honestly that would have killed her)
To which he replies "don't hurt my dog, if you kick her it will hurt her"
all the while I'm kicking my leg wildly and just in the nick of time I managed to get the sweet, innocent (read HUGE fire-breathing BITCH) off my leg and high tail it for the truck, get in my truck and take off (here's where I really wish I could tell you that I heard a LOUD THUD but unfortunately I didn't run over the dog or her owner for that matter).
I called Danny and ripped him a new one, smoked like 50 cigarettes between where I was and the time I got back into town and managed to calm myself down so that I could officially start my day with all my pick ups.
About an hour later is when it really hit me, that I just totally got my ass kicked by a wenier dog named Tinkerbell.... I'm such a pussy!!
**small side note here**
After my night was over and I had gotten my truck back to the terminal, was leaving for the night to come home to my boys, it would seem that I apparently pissed off a county mounty who proceeded to scare the shit outta me and blue light me for NO REASON at all!! Just long enough to get me to pull over so this captain dumbass could speed around me to get home faster himself!! ASSHOLE!!
posted by Krissi at
8:55 AM
3 Comments:
I would have wanted to squash that little shit like a bug....
I'm sorry but I was laughing at that one. My mom does home health and says the little dogs are the worst.
Gotta question. My house has the numbers on it but the mail box doesn't. One day the Fed Ex guy comes and writes my numbers on my white mail box with a black perm marker. Pissed me off but I figured he might be having a bad day so I didn't say anything. I finally got it off and told Hubby to get some numbers for it. He forgot and about a month later the Fed Ex guy came again and did the same damn thing. You can see the numbers on my house very well so was it necessary to write on my mailbox. He could have atleast wrote it nice and not all sloppy.
I. can't. breathe.
holy hell, the visual I've got of that is too much!
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