An oldie, but a goodie
Some of you here know once upon a time I was a teeny weeny bit obsessed with Myspace for a while, now that is not all that bad only because that is where I learned (as if I know all there is to know) to blog. So today for those of you who have not had a chance to see the more emotional and heartfelt side of me here ya go... this doesn't happen often so enjoy it. The following is a blog from my Myspace in August of this year.
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"10 years have passed..........so what now"
So this one is going to come straight out of left field, and may wander thru the last oh... 20 years of my life. Try to keep up, and if you get lost along the way just keep reading on and I am sure you will find yourself right smack dab in the middle of my simple mind!
First and foremost I will mention no names in this blog (those of you who know me well enough will know exactly who and what I am referring to). With that said lets begin!
I have spent the better part of almost 10 years now dealing with the loss of a best friend (no, no one died, we just parted ways on a sour note) and not just any best friend she was my childhood best friend, the kind of friend that you are supposed to have for life, the one who you can trust with your deepest, darkest, most humiliating secrets, the kind of friend who knows you and still loves you for the person that you are.
Now this friend and I quite literally had gone thru hell and back during the course of our friendship and I don't say that lightly I MEAN it. When you think about your middle school and high school years and all of the changing that not only you but everyone around you is doing that in and of itself can make life DRAMA filled and stressful but I mean over and above all of that drama we went thru some pretty hairy shit and always managed to take one shit-filled situation at a time... we always made it thru and we were always still best friends.
About 10 years ago, after a very (well SHIT how do I even describe in real words the parting of our ways) ok skip trying to describe that and on with the point I am trying to make.... so 10 years ago we became NOT FRIENDS very abruptly, very matter of factly, very hurtfully.... and I have still to this day ummm well have not gotten over it. Now when I say not gotten over it, it's not like I sit around for days on end or hours at a time and cry over it, nor do I tend to talk about it I just haven't taught my heart not to care about it, I guess is a good way to put it.
But in the last few months when said person pops into my mind, whether it be her birthday or just any other random day of the year I have started to figure it all out and have managed to convince my heart that it's ok to let go.
There have been many times over the last 10 years that we have "tried" to reconnect, this friend and I. And part of me honestly thought that if I just tried hard enough to care about what was going on in her life and sent enough random "hey how's your day" emails, showed her that I still remembered birthdays and anniversaries that things might some day be back to the way that they were when we were inseparable, turns out that didn't work and now I know why.
We grow up, we get on with our lives, we change from that snot nosed shitty teen that we once were and damn-it before we know it we are our own person and proud of that person that we have become with NO said help from that other person who used to be our "best friend". And it's ok, we are still breathing and functioning and living our lives from one day to the next. We are married and parents and proud of all of our accomplishments no matter how big or how small. We are filled with the love of the new friends we have made and we are ok with letting the past be just that.... the past. We harbor no hard feelings, because life is too short! We live for ourselves, for our families, and for our loved ones and I have decided that my life is exactly the way it was supposed to turn out and I am a happier, healthier more rounded person for it.
So to sum it all up for you, I have let go and quit wondering "what if, why, and just maybe" I wish her the best that life has to offer and want her to know all of the events that we have been thru in our lives as "best friends" are cherished memories (which I will carry with me forever, because they played a great part in the person that I have become), but I still have a lot more cherished memories that don't involve her from the past 10 years of my life and a lot more to make that won't involve her either and that's ok in my book.
You live and you learn!!!
****************************************************************************
"10 years have passed..........so what now"
So this one is going to come straight out of left field, and may wander thru the last oh... 20 years of my life. Try to keep up, and if you get lost along the way just keep reading on and I am sure you will find yourself right smack dab in the middle of my simple mind!
First and foremost I will mention no names in this blog (those of you who know me well enough will know exactly who and what I am referring to). With that said lets begin!
I have spent the better part of almost 10 years now dealing with the loss of a best friend (no, no one died, we just parted ways on a sour note) and not just any best friend she was my childhood best friend, the kind of friend that you are supposed to have for life, the one who you can trust with your deepest, darkest, most humiliating secrets, the kind of friend who knows you and still loves you for the person that you are.
Now this friend and I quite literally had gone thru hell and back during the course of our friendship and I don't say that lightly I MEAN it. When you think about your middle school and high school years and all of the changing that not only you but everyone around you is doing that in and of itself can make life DRAMA filled and stressful but I mean over and above all of that drama we went thru some pretty hairy shit and always managed to take one shit-filled situation at a time... we always made it thru and we were always still best friends.
About 10 years ago, after a very (well SHIT how do I even describe in real words the parting of our ways) ok skip trying to describe that and on with the point I am trying to make.... so 10 years ago we became NOT FRIENDS very abruptly, very matter of factly, very hurtfully.... and I have still to this day ummm well have not gotten over it. Now when I say not gotten over it, it's not like I sit around for days on end or hours at a time and cry over it, nor do I tend to talk about it I just haven't taught my heart not to care about it, I guess is a good way to put it.
But in the last few months when said person pops into my mind, whether it be her birthday or just any other random day of the year I have started to figure it all out and have managed to convince my heart that it's ok to let go.
There have been many times over the last 10 years that we have "tried" to reconnect, this friend and I. And part of me honestly thought that if I just tried hard enough to care about what was going on in her life and sent enough random "hey how's your day" emails, showed her that I still remembered birthdays and anniversaries that things might some day be back to the way that they were when we were inseparable, turns out that didn't work and now I know why.
We grow up, we get on with our lives, we change from that snot nosed shitty teen that we once were and damn-it before we know it we are our own person and proud of that person that we have become with NO said help from that other person who used to be our "best friend". And it's ok, we are still breathing and functioning and living our lives from one day to the next. We are married and parents and proud of all of our accomplishments no matter how big or how small. We are filled with the love of the new friends we have made and we are ok with letting the past be just that.... the past. We harbor no hard feelings, because life is too short! We live for ourselves, for our families, and for our loved ones and I have decided that my life is exactly the way it was supposed to turn out and I am a happier, healthier more rounded person for it.
So to sum it all up for you, I have let go and quit wondering "what if, why, and just maybe" I wish her the best that life has to offer and want her to know all of the events that we have been thru in our lives as "best friends" are cherished memories (which I will carry with me forever, because they played a great part in the person that I have become), but I still have a lot more cherished memories that don't involve her from the past 10 years of my life and a lot more to make that won't involve her either and that's ok in my book.
You live and you learn!!!
posted by Krissi at
11:44 AM
3 Comments:
Yes, I remember that original post quite well! Is she causing you grief again? We all live and learn, but I am really wondering about HER?? There's a reason tha past is called just that~~~the past!! We all grow up and evolve with the rest of our lives or not? Hey, us girls are planning a night out for the month of Dec?? U Game?
I have another piece for ya, my dear, ~Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.~
I know what you are saying. I have been through this loss too.
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