Friday, October 31, 2008

Let it be known....

On Halloween 2008 I am now a certified Fed-Ex Ground driver :) Woo Freakin Hoo!! Passed the written test with nothing less than 100% which I would really brag about if it hadn't been 25 multiple choice questions... rocked thru the obstacle course all 3 of them and only hit a mud flap on one of the cones (in my defense the mud flap sticks out further than the edge of the truck so it didn't count against me)... and then drove all around NW Arkansas with Jason for my on the road test, calling out all of the things that I learned over this past week and how I was putting it to good use! I F'n ROCK!

Lets FREAKIN go Trick or Treatin!!!

Monday, October 27, 2008

Fed-Ex Day #1

Started class today :) Yippy! Colder than shit outside.. not so Yippy! I froze my ass off most of the morning, until our instructor felt sorry enough for me that he gave me one of his heavy Fed-Ex coats :) Warm at last! Woo Hoo

I have to say that this driving thing isn't so hard, I really thought it would be more difficult than it has been and the fact that it isn't, is a very welcomed surprise.

Oh did I mention that I am the only girl in the class... there are 2 other guys and me, and then our instructor Jason who I've known for years since Danny has worked there. So that makes it nice, the fact that I know someone, you know the someone who has the power to either pass or fail me!!

Today we did a little work out of the hand book and then it was out to the two rental box trucks in the parking lot to start doing our serpentine driving forward and back through the cones... leave it to me to brag that I did good when Danny and I were out there doing it... right off the bat I hit a freakin cone and looked like a retard, but then again I did say that going in reverse was easier than going forward in one of these trucks. (Oh and the boys decided to give me my own truck, mainly because I am so short and to adjust the mirrors in these things is a huge pain in the ass every other time you drive, but I like to think it's because I am a true rockstar and they know deep down that I'm a diva and deserve my own sweet ride)

By the end of the day both the boys and I had done the serpentine so many times that I am quite sure if you rolled my sleeping ass out there tonight hoisted me up into that truck I could do it without having to be awake! We also did the "off set alley" which was really hard when Danny was teaching me (come to find out the jackass had the cones set up too close) yeah so it was a lot easier for me to do it today, and for the first time I backed all the way up in a straight line (harder than you think... oh yeah you think you can... I wanna see it) anyhow like I was saying I backed up to the dock between two other trucks, talk about never racking.

P.S. you are reading the blog of a bad ass... I can even parallel park that bitch! Yeah how do you like them apples!!!

(Much more to come this week, as we have to spend 6 hrs a day both Wednesday and Thursday driving out and about in traffic... so Jason says we are going to drive to Tulsa and to Ft. Smith.... HOLY SHIT I'm scared... actual peoples lives may hang in the balance... note to self watch 6 o'clock news to see if Krissi makes a guest appearance ... you know in the back of a cop car)

Friday, October 24, 2008

On this fine fall day

And let me just say... I feel DAMN good about it :)

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Tighty Hulk

Following in Sissy's foot steps here is my first ever edition of "Wordless Wedensday" (pretend you didn't just read that, thus the wordless part)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


Today is the day that dreams are made of for one family that I am very fond of, well actually two families really. Frank and Melissa welcomed baby Aden Welch into the world this morning around 7:30am weighing in at a whopping 7 lbs (I'm pretty sure this is the largest Welch born to date). And wouldn't you know seeing as how Aden is their last child, he would come when he was READY! Darn those Dr.'s for trying to schedule his delivery, he showed them.

Caleb and I went to visit today and tell baby Aden Happy Birthday (Caleb was a little confused and thought that it was Lyssa's birthday but in the end he figured it all out) here are a few snap shots of the beautiful new baby boy Welch!!

(This fine young man you see holding Aden is his big brother Marcus, who told me today that afer welcoming two other Welch kiddo's to the bunch, both of which were sisters, he was happy to finally have a baby brother)

Also in some much awaited news, since we are on the subject of babies, some good friends of mine Brad and Sarah Renick will be bringing baby Brayden Kane Renick home for the first time on Wednesday. Brayden was born 2 months to the date that he will be coming home, weighing in at 2 lbs 15 oz in Little Rock.

Here is Brayden then:

and here is Brayden now:

He is now up to 6 lbs flat and quite the handsome little bruser.

Please say some extra prayers for both families and ask that God will help them all to get home and get situated and keep his watchful eye on both of these baby boys so that they will grow up to be strong, loving, well rounded men one day. I know both families will appreciate all of the prayers.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

1 down, much more to go

Yesterday Caleb and I met Danny up at Fed-Ex Ground for my first driving lesson in a big truck. I told Danny that I wanted to have at least one driving lesson under my belt before actually going to class in a week. Let me be the first to say it was a little intimidating crawling into the truck and looking at how close together the cones were that I was supposed to be driving/backing thru. I made it all of about 10 feet before I hit my first cone and that was it... I put the truck in park and proceeded to get out and tell Danny in no uncertain terms that I CANNOT DO THIS!

Luckily for me I have a pretty good teacher because by the end of the lesson I was a ROCK STAR!! I can back thru those cones serpentine, do the "blind alley" (which by the way is easier to do in reverse than in drive, how scary is that) and almost back up to a dock (in my defense we didn't really practice that, I was backing thru the parking lot and parking as close as I felt comfortable to one of the big 18 wheeler trailers that happened to be on the lot and I got pretty close).

When all was said and done I left feeling like I could kick any guy's ass at driving school! We shall see if this holds up not this week but next.

Oh and one funny note, when I got out of the truck and decided that I couldn't do it, Danny got in and was showing me how... and yup you guessed it he hit a cone too! And no matter what he may try to tell you, it was not on purpose! (I ended up only hitting 3 cones the whole lesson which is not bad considering that I drove thru and backed thru those cones no less that 50 times) Like I said ROCK STAR!!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Tis the Season

Ha bet you thought this post would be about Christmas! It's NOT! I am in no way ready for Christmas yet, so we are working on Halloween for now.

Tonight Danny, Caleb and I carved 3 pumpkins.... well let me rephrase that.... Danny and I carved pumpkins Caleb did remark about how "disgusting" pumpkins are and then proceeded to play in the garage while I carved both Caleb's and mine and Danny carved his.

Here is the Spider pumpkin that Caleb picked out for me to carve

Danny had to draw his own and be original (in all his original glory he did look on the Internet to get ideas though... so he can't take all the credit, oh yeah and he only carved ONE)

and here is mine, it is last because it got done last seeing as how I am a mother and I seem to always make sure my boys get things before me (is that all mom's?? I didn't see that on any application... I don't remember seeing any fine print where it said, you shall eat NO hot meals, you shall never go to the bathroom first, or alone for that matter... yadda yadda yadda.... did I miss that whole section???)

All in all we had a great time together as a family, now if we can keep the little punks that live in our neighborhood from stealing them all will be well with the world. So help me if those punks dare to touch them... I'm actually thinking about boobie trapping them.... hummm

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

The always fun trip to the dentist

So this morning I took Caleb and dropped him off with one very pregnant Lyssa! Drove to Ft. Smith (hoping like you know what that I wouldn't get a call as soon as I got there to say that Lyssa had gone into labor) and went to the dentist to get impressions made for my partial (yeah go ahead and try to even snicker that I just said partial and I swear flying monkeys will jump out of this screen and kick your ass) the reason I am getting a partial at the age of 28 is because I didn't take good care of my teeth and have had one too many pulled out on top!

So none the less I get there and am even early, which did nothing to benefit me, so after waiting 30 minutes or so they call me back and we get down to business! The nurse squirts this blue gunk into my mouth tells me to bite down as hard as I can and then when it's time to take it out I swear on all that is holy my freaking teeth were glued together! After prying that out of my mouth she proceeds to put a tray full of white molding gunk (very technical terms I know)into my mouth to take a bottom impression, I was a champ did a great job and it was in and out of there before you could count to 10! What happened next is still haunting me. She proceeds to tell me that she will be right back in with the tray for the top impression and just as promised a few seconds later here she comes with said tray... slaps that bitch in my mouth and God help me I went to gagging like I don't know what. Here is how the one sided conversation went (keep in mind obviously I can't speak, so I will substitute my part with what I was thinking and wishing like hell I could have said)

Nurse: "honey your gagging lean your head all the way forward"

Me: "No shit, really, me gagging, I had no effing idea"

Nurse: "this little blue drape that you have on has a plastic back, so if you throw up, don't worry it won't soak thru"

Me: "Bitch if I throw up because this crap is running down the back of my throat and expanding I swear on everything I have that what YOU are wearing is not plastic and it will soak in"

Nurse: "Only a few more seconds and it'll be out of there"

Me: " I sear I've heard that lie somewhere before... oh wait, now its coming back to me this is exactly WHY I swore not to have any more children, note to self not only do Gyno's who are trying to get you to push lie... so do dental hygenists who are trying to convince you not to throw up"

Humm who knew I had such a sensitive gag reflex???

I did manage to make it and fully recover, got back to Bentonville and got Caleb from one still very pregnant Lyssa (who will be having Aden next Wednesday by the way, she went to the Dr. today and convinced them to speed it along a little so YEA baby Aden will be born on the 22nd if she doesn't go into labor before then) and now I am just hoping like hell that nothing goes wrong with those impressions that they have to send all the way to CA to have the partial made because if I have to go thru that again... they had better have a bucket ready for me!!! And that nurse had better have a face sheild to boot!!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Poor Wormy

Today was not the day to be a fuzzy wuzzy worm in our back yard. Caleb is infatuated with these worms......

and as luck would have it Caleb quickly learned that when you put it down and forget exactly where you put it, bad things happen........ like this

and this

unfortunately for Caleb he happened to run over the worm and then was quite upset that "the worm pooped on me" so momma had to explain that the worm had not in fact pooped on him that he squashed it while running and that was the worms guts all over his leg, which I followed up with "stand still, don't touch it, momma has to go get her camera"! HA (what's even worse is the battery in my camera was dead so he had to wait for me to get the new ones in it before I could take the picture and then clean him up)all for the sake of this blog! Your welcome my adoring public, quite welcome! LOL

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Boys will be boys

Let me just set the scene for you a bit.

Yesterday I am on the phone talking to who else but my mom when Caleb comes running across the living room pushing his big dump truck toy (which keep in mind I have told him time and time again not to do) when all of a sudden he doesn't fall on the truck he flips completely over the truck and skids across the carpet on his face! Screaming and crying and me saying " nope momma has no sympathy, I've told you time and time again not to do that" later... I look over at his little tear stained face to see carpet burn all the way down it, from forehead to chin..... see picture below

So then last night after going to dinner with a friend and leaving Danny and said friends husband here at the house with the kids I come home Caleb comes running to see me (yeah I'm totally excited to still see you up at 11pm... why the heck didn't your daddy put you to bed) none the less I notice a new facial laceration on his forehead and ask Danny what the crap happened.... yup you guessed it, same damn truck same damn scenario!!

Umm yeah.. so all I can say is LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHERS!!! Mmmm K!! Boys will be boys!

Friday, October 10, 2008

When you least expect it

So... apparently I have a new job! LAUGH Did I want a job, no..... was I looking for a job, no..... was I ready for a job (OK I'll admit some time out of the house has sounded good for the past few weeks now) but still the answer no.

How did I get a job you ask... well that's an odd story. I think I got it to try to prove I can actually do it! One night a few weeks back Danny and one of our friends Ben whom he works with at Fed-Ex Ground were in the garage drinking beer and bitching about work (any given Friday night our garage is where you can find these two men, if say you are a stalker or a creditor or just looking for some good whining company) but none the less I happened to be out there and listening to their incessant whining and belly aching as they were talking about Danny needing someone to do his daily pick ups so that he doesn't start missing his percentages at work... long story short every day he is responsible for X amount of pick ups and they all come with a timed window in which he has to pick them up say between 5 and 7 in the evening (most all of his pick ups fall between these times) so if he is running late he has to stop his deliveries and start doing pick ups and then go back to his deliveries and so on and so forth putting him later and later back to the terminal in the evening (I know way to much info for a story on how I got a job)...

So the guys are talking about the pros and cons of putting on another truck ($$$) and driver ($$$) to this contract specifically for the purpose of doing these pick ups for Danny. Me being the logical one that I am thinks a few hours of work sounds easy enough I mean how hard can it be plus it would actually save us money in the long run not having to hire someone to do it. (This is where things take a bad turn) Well then it turned into a pissing contest between me and the boys about me being able to pass the Fed-Ex driving class to even be eligible to drive one of their trucks (please keep in mind I do have a perfect driving record... but even I will admit I cannot back up in a straight line to save my own ass).

I say I can, they say I can't, enough beer later I thought that the conversation was just that.... a conversation!! Then Danny comes home first part of this week and says... you need to go into the terminal this week and fill out your paperwork so that you can get signed up for the class, there is one coming up in about a month!(EFFING GASP) Me still being too stubborn to swallow my pride and tell him that I really hadn't planned on following thru with this little pissing contest (I'm not about to have them tell me I CAN'T do something) so today I went in filled out all my paperwork (mind you this is not a cheap class to take either, since Danny is the contractor he will be shelling out some serious money to put me thru their driving school) I have my physical set for Tuesday at 10:30 and the class will more than likely be in about 3 weeks! Did I mention that I will be the ONLY girl in the class as well!

So back to the whole driving thing did I mention that in order to pass the test I have to back a huge ass box truck (I'm talking the largest truck you can drive without having a CDL, so picture a truck just a hair smalled than an effing semi) thru serpentine cones set up in a parking lot without hitting any of them!

All because I am a girl and can't keep my mouth shut! Man did my husband luck out with me or what??? Humm wonder how my ass will look in those awful uniform shorts??

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Strange Things

The past few days I have had some really strange things happen, but none of them beat what happened to me today.

2 days ago when the rains stopped Caleb and I got to see the most amazing double rainbow, and as my husband will tell you I was quite impressed with it... see take a look for yourself

OK the rainbow was just strange because I felt like I could have reached out and touched it, and it was just so vibrant and beautiful... I honestly can't remember ever seeing a rainbow so pronounced before.

Now on the the really freaky/creepy ass thing that happened to Caleb and I today. We were leaving to go to town to do some errands that couldn't wait another day (I hate going to town when I don't HAVE to) none the less I get Caleb strapped into his seat and I climb into the front seat when I realize that the DVD that I turned on for him to watch wasn't working, so back out of the car I get and open the back drivers side door and reach in to fix the DVD. As I am leaning into the car I feel something hit me, something small like a bug and when I look up it is quite literally RAINING flying ants onto my car, the ground, the yard I mean they are FREAKIN EVERYWHERE....

So me being the big wuss that I am I slam the back door shut and jump back into the front before one of these things could land on me (still not sure how I managed to not get stung) because these things were attacking each other and stinging each other to death. I kid you not there were thousands upon thousands of them on my car alone much less what was on the driveway when we finally backed out 15 minutes or so after sitting there just watching them (from the safety of our car, widows up AC on). Obviously, as always, I didn't have my camera in the car with me and my POS phone doesn't have a camera on it but when we got home I did go out and take a few pictures of the remaining dead ants that were lining the side of the driveway all the way to the street so here ya go....

What is possibly even stranger is that when I look at the neighbors house (as all of this was taking place and even after we got back home) they have none, look out on the street none... I'm telling you people if they had been locusts I would have been doing some serious soul searching... this is how freaked out I was!

p.s. No they are not termites!!

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

I'm defective, that's all there is to it

Ok Mom, Dad this post is aimed squarely at you. As I laid in bed tonight trying my damnedest to go to sleep with thoughts of everything from politics to potty training racing thru my head, wondering WHY THE HELL CAN'T I SLEEP... it occoured to me that I am defective! I have no off switch on my brain, and I'm pretty sure that is a standard issue part of the body I am supposed to have! So i've decided that I want a refund or rebate or atleast some kind of acknowledgement that "yes honey you were shorted and we are so very sorry about it it's completely our fault and your new switch is on back order, rainchecked or invariably NEVER coming in, did you not get the memo??"

I seriously know better than to watch the 2008 Presidential Debate and then expect to be able to sleep after getting all worked up over my less than favorite candidate as he pukes up a bunch of bull shit to try to make himself sound human and try to throw people off the fact that he himself is the DEVIL!!

So then when I did try to go to bed, I found myself in deep conversation with God telling him that I know, I just know that the polls are off and that there is no way he can honestly expect me to believe that he is going to allow this man (whom I am quite sure is the devil keep in mind) to rule over our country as our commander in chief for the next 4 years or possibly even 8...

And after this conversation with God about the electorial process of the US and what a huge JOKE it is my mind goes on to think man I really need to keep some kind of paper and pen beside my bed because I sure do seem to do a lot of thinking when I lay down and I'll be damned if I'm not pretty witty at times too (in the back of my mind after I thought that I saw these parenthesies telling myself that's just not a good idea Caleb + ink pen + sleeping momma ='s more posts about possibly taking the life of my child and while I am sure they are a blast to read... they are sometimes no less than hell to live thru)...

So yeah it's 12:10 and I'm sitting here typing out all of this instead of being able to do the ONE FREAKING thing I really want to be doing... sleeping for the love of God!!

So to my parents... all I have to say is HOW DID YOU SLEEP TONIGHT???

Monday, October 6, 2008

Not the way to start the day

This morning I am awakened by Caleb standing less than an inch from my face screaming "Momma it's time to get up"...... let us just pause for a moment so that I can tell you that I am a lot of things, however "morning person" I am NOT.... none the less, up and at 'em I was after the wonderful 3 year old alarm clock sounded! So the first thing I do is look over at the clock beside the bed which read 8:56 and I'm thinking Hallelujah there is a God in Heaven and he has spoken to my child and taught him the value of sleeping in (especially since mommy stayed up until 1:00am paying bills and watching Army Wives last night) so outta bed I roll, with an "almost" smile on my face.... that lasted all of about 2 seconds, I rounded the corner to see Caleb's table covered in play dough and 9 million pieces of some cardboard box then into the kitchen where my wonderful son is playing with what are quite possibly the sharpest pare of scissors on earth at which time the following vision played out in my mind

"I plead not guilty by reason of insanity your Honor"

That little turd had gotten his bathroom stool drug it into the kitchen and not only gotten the scissors down, not only gotten his play dough out but had been into the KNIFE DRAWER TOO!! As I walked by I realized that it was open farther than the child latch (yeah WHAT A JOKE THAT THING IS) would allow and then realized that he had taken my Pampered Chef bread knife out of the plastic cover that goes over the sharp-ass blade!!!!!

Luckily for him he didn't cut himself, although I am not sure how between the scissors from hell and the knife that will cut concrete!!!

When I asked him how long he had been up before he decided it was time for mommy to join the party he replied "twenty years momma"

Little SHIT!!!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Home again

Hello all! We are back home after a few days in Mena with my family. We had a GREAT trip with perfect weather, wonderful company, no crying or whining ALL the way there or the way back, playing at the park and visiting with Great Grandma with almost no problems at all. To preface the last statement there, Caleb hasn't spent as much time around my grandmother Adair as I would have liked for him to and for some reason or another he is scared of my Grandma which honestly breaks my heart. I did manage to get two pictures with him sitting in grandma's bed (as she is confined to her bed now) but what you will see is only his snarky little face and the fact that his body is telling you "I'm only here because mom is making me be here and I DO NOT have to like it" (I may or may not have bribed him to get these pictures... hey I'm not above doing what ever works to get him to do what I need him to do, it's my right as his parent) so tell me what you think....

And here is the 2nd one... guess I pushed a little to hard for a smile here... there was no way I was going to get a smile out of this little turd

Anyhow after all of the torture was done at Great Grandma's we did get to have some fun. We went into town with Grandma and went to the park to eat lunch and play and Caleb had a blast (see below the difference in his attitude... you can really tell)

I am sad to say that probably the most fun Caleb had on the whole trip, getting to ride both of Papa's tractors I didn't get any pictures of... I really don't know where my head was while they were riding around the house and out into the field but obviously it was not on grabbing my camera to get pictures!

All in all we had a great trip and a wonderful visit and we are hoping to make this trip lots more, maybe even a monthly trip now that I am not working and can go more often (we really need to spend WAY more time with not only Grandma and Papa but with Great Grandma as well... she is 93 and I want Caleb to get to know her as well as he can before she is called to be with Great Grandpa in heaven).