Sunday, November 30, 2008

Who doesn't love pictures??

And who doesn't love pictures that they themselves are not included in!! Count me in! I am searching for something even remotely funny to write about, and coming up with J*A*C*K!! So I thought I would just put up a few pictures I've taken in the last few days. Some obviously from Thanksgiving and then a few from today. For those of you who don't know... today was our first snow of the winter (and while it was not a lot of snow, my Caleb could have cared less). Hope you all enjoy the new pictures.

I am sure this week will hold plenty of "funny" seeing as how tomorrow I will not only be doing pick-ups but will also be doing a few deliveries (this was NEVER part of the deal) and as if that isn't enough... I even have to load my own truck in order to do said deliveries! So like I said... loads of funny to follow thru the week!

Caleb helping me make my cornbread for my Thanksgiving feast

Caleb was really excited to see Daddy when he get back home from the Cowboys game the day after thanksgiving! He was even more excited when he learned that he had a "present" that daddy picked up just for him at the game..... he was more than PISSED to see that the "present" was a fitted Cowboys hat!! He kept saying "this isn't my present... where is my present"! Ahhh warms the heart doesn't it

So I have to say these next two pictures are just priceless and I will make sure to put them in order so you can all appreciate them as much as I did

Daddy made Caleb a snow ball...

and this is how he thanked him (thank God there wasn't anything within arms reach to throw when he got his new hat)

Is it any wonder I love this kid soooo much??? He's such a cute little toot!!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Jesus & Bumblebee's

Caleb is sitting on the living room floor singing every song he can think of, why you ask, to annoy me I'm quite sure. It was cute the first few minutes, but this has now been going on for about 15 minutes and it's quickly starting to get old. I'm trying to watch the Hog's make a comeback against LSU on tv when I hear these lyrics

"Jesus loves the little children, because they are picking up the baby bumblebee's won't Jesus be so proud of me, OUCH he stung me" (and I'm not sure if Caleb thinks that Jesus or the bee stung him ha ha)

Had to laugh and had to share. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Insert witty title here

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!! My turkey is in the oven, my cornbread is made and waiting for me to make my dressing, I baked a pumpkin pie last night now all that is left is to cut up and cook the veggies for my dressing, throw together the green bean casserole, cut up and cook the potatoes for my mashed potatoes and get my gravy made :) Dinner is at 5:00 and we have 3 guests coming my brother, sister in law and my niece. Should I set out more plates? Anyone else wanna come? Maybe you should read the rest of this post before you make your reservation (don't worry I'll invite you again at the end of the post I promise).

Reflecting on thanksgivings past this morning I can't help but laugh at the memory of the first time I made thanksgiving dinner for Danny and I (pre-Caleb). I like to think that I am quite the cook (my husband will probably dispute that comment) but this is my blog and what I say goes mkay!!

So yeah I almost killed us with food poisoning! Who would have guessed it??? I had slaved away in our tiny kitchen all morning long while Danny sat on his butt and watched football (why is this the tradition and who do I have to kill to change it???) My turkey was beautiful and I had even managed to get it to brown in the oven, the dressing was done, the potatoes were mashed and not a moment too soon I was starving!!

We fixed our plates and everything looked great it was picture perfect as far as Thanksgiving feasts go and it tasted good too, what more could we ask for?? If you said another bathroom then "tell 'em what they've won Bob" (the dump that we rented back in the day, you know the one over in Crack Central, only had one bathroom). Needless to say the rest of the afternoon was spent beating a path in the indoor/outdoor carpet to the one bathroom in that house! It was AWFUL! I swore off cooking and eating poultry and Danny just swore off eating anything that I cooked! Jackass!! Like I meant to give us food poisoning? And don't you think if it would have been intentional I would have bypassed the under-cooked bird? Some peoples husbands!

None the less today I am a master chef, I've got bird cooking down to a science!

So how many extra places should I set at the table this year? Come on any volunteers? I swear to eat the turkey, you can watch, hell I'll even eat an hour before you just so you will know it's done!

In all sincerity I hope you all have a wonderful, happy and full Thanksgiving with your families today and remember we all have so much to the thankful for, so remember to thank the one who has given us all that we have and all that we are.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Flying solo

Is way overrated. Yesterday was my first day to drive and do pick ups all by myself. It was NOT supposed to be, Danny was supposed to park his truck and ride with me in order to help me back into places and get my barrings. Now I know what you are thinking, "didn't you say you went to school to learn to do all of this on your own", and the answer to that question is YES. However, school was a month ago and here I sit one month later having not forgotten everything I learned but simply chosen to have filed it away in the "for future reference" category of my brain!

So like I was saying Danny was supposed to have ridden with me, but due to some complications with the 9 + million packages he had to deliver yesterday I was ... well.... as I like to say shit out of luck.

So I was equipped with my scanner, my truck and my muscles (insert very loud laugh here) oh yeah and my cell phone (and I used that thing like it was going outta style).

All in all I did a pretty good job whilst out and about. I picked up 113 packages and only about 4 of them weighed more than I did.

At the end of the day, Danny had finally caught up and offered to pick up my last 3 stops for me and I was exhausted/elated all at the same time. Now all I had to do was take the truck back to the terminal, park it, turn in my paper work and head to the house. This is where I ran into what we will call a "small" problem.

It was on the way back to the terminal it occurred to me that I didn't know where to park the truck, as in which slot the size of a VW Beetle inside the terminal this particular vehicle belonged in. Now I could just say the parking spot for this truck is small, but that just wouldn't do it justice, its just that when you back one of these trucks in you have enough room to clear mirrors with the truck beside you and that is it. I'm pretty sure not even a pile of gnat shit would drop between the mirror of your truck and the truck next to you even if said gnat really had some pretty good force behind his bowel movement!! It's that close people!!!

Check my super duper, I really want to rock this and consider myself a bad ass, brass balls at the door, I called Danny almost in tears (knowing good and well that on Wednesday, as in the day before Thanksgiving this week I would have no other choice but to do this myself seeing as how Danny will be outta town) the conversation went as follows

"Hey babe, the truck was outside the terminal when I came to get it today, where the hell am I supposed to park it"

"I think it's the 2nd of 3rd spot from the end, on the belt side"

"the end that I drive in on, or the end at the other end of the terminal"

"ha you wish it was the end that you drive in on, that would be too easy, it's the end on the other side of the terminal"

(mind you I am sitting at the door that I am supposed to drive in, looking long ways down thru the terminal sweating profusely and all of a sudden feeling the need to throw up immediately)

"ummm yeah, about that, there is NO WAY IN HELL I can park this truck Danny, I'm the last truck in, everyone else has already parked and I'm thinking there is no way in hell I can pull this truck in get it straightened out and actually park it without causing some major property damage to the trucks in front of me and on either side of me. I CANNOT do this"

"well it's ok, don't panic, all you have to do"

"I'm not asking you Danny, I'm telling you, when you get here this damn truck will be parked outside with the keys in it and you will have to park it"

"Ok, no problem, but you know"

"yes I know I will have to do it tomorrow, and God help me everyone of those loaders in there will be rolling on the floor laughing their asses off at me, well that is until I back over one of them"

So I didn't get the truck parked, and turns out that one of our good friends that works for Fed-Ex was there and he parked it for me, and I got to watch while he did it.

Still no way in hell I think I can do it, and that thought in and of itself haunted me all night last night and will continue to haunt me all day today but I will not mention it to Danny. I will do it because I HAVE TO DO IT! So wish me luck and if you hear a loud "thud" around oh say 7ish tonight please say extra prayers cause I'm going to be dead if I hit something!!

Sure hope my hubby enjoys his time at the Cowboy's game tomorrow!

Monday, November 24, 2008

In keeping with tradition

We all have so much to be thankful for. And it seems that this time of year is really the only time we are appreciative enough to reflect on all of the things we have to be thankful for. So in keeping with tradition I have decided to post a list of the things that I am thankful for (some of which may very well be a teeny tiny bit sarcastic) so without further ado here is my list enjoy!

I am thankful for the fact that the American people elected a man with NO experience what so ever to become our next president. I mean who wouldn't want a man with the motivational speaking skills that rival those of Hitler (and the socialist ideas that much compare to his too) I am also thankful for the fact that since I am a white female and I proudly proclaim that I did not vote for Barack Obama I am automatically labeled a racist that's just peachy and sits oh so well with me.

I am thankful for the recession that this country is in, this is perhaps every news reporters dream... slow news day, well crap we can always talk about how the world is full of doom and gloom and the downward spiral that has become the United States. And just for good measure we'll throw in talk about the "useless, needless war" that we are fighting (never mind the fact that September 11th really did occur and that those bastards took the lives of countless numbers of innocent Americans here on our soil) and if they really wanted the trifecta of all things taboo they could talk a little about George Bush's approval rating these days! Oh the glorious news media how I love the!!

I am thankful for the very uber liberal news media here in the United States. If not for this past election I might have continued to live out the rest of my life thinking that the news channels like ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN actually wanted us to know what was really going on in the world and that they didn't have their own agenda in what they chose to report on and when. I think its just the greatest thing since sliced bread that people like Katie Couric still have an effing job!! After all what would us Americans do without our daily dose of Kool-Aide fed to us directly from the media? How would we even get out of bed in the morning and form our own opinions on life if not for these glorious news commentaries.

I am thankful for all of the government "bail outs"! I mean who in their life hasn't need a leg up (read HAND OUT) every now and again? The fact that the government has come to the rescue of so many tanking business who've gotten themselves into a bit of a pickle is just "kick you in the crotch, spit in your face fantastic"! Why with all of this new found wealth (read our hard earned tax dollars)to spread around I think there should be NO reason what so ever for another business, no matter how large or how small, to ever fail again. I just hope they all send me a postcard from their company retreats that cost more than I will make in a lifetime, I mean come on we all deserve a little R & R right? I can just imagine how stressed they must be, what with a failing business and all!

(Note to self, this last one may really hit a nerve, Krissi you should stop while your ahead.... nahh hell I'll just go ahead and take the flack)

**WARNING** This is my blog, it is based on MY opinions and MY thoughts, if you don't like said opinions and thoughts then by all means DON'T READ IT.

With that said I will make this next thing my final thing to be thankful for...

I am thankful that this country knows how to take a stand for things that are "right". I am so thankful that we can make picket signs, and stand on street corners, or hell march right down the middle of the street and DEMAND Gay rights in every major city from New York to Los Angeles! Nothing makes me more proud than to see two lesbians, or two gay men demand that they be able to marry, be able to adopt or foster children, and demand that they have equal status in this country! Far be it from me to judge their sins, far be it from me to stand up for my right to NOT have this SHIT thrown in my face or poke down the throat of my child in a country that was founded on Christian principals. And much like the situation with the president, if I take a stand and proudly proclaim that I vote against these "equal rights for Gays" I am automatically labeled a bigot!

So let me ask what are you most thankful for this year?

Lovingly signed the Racist Bigot!

Sunday, November 23, 2008


It's Sunday, it is almost 5:00 and both Danny and Caleb are napping. We went and watched Bolt today in 3D and loved it. Caleb did so well with keeping his glasses on and sitting thru the whole movie, Danny and I were plesantly surprised. Afterwards we went and ate a late lunch and then came home.

It took nothing short of a miracle to get Caleb to actually go down for his nap (this often happens when we wait too long and he gets overly tired) and I was almost at my wits end before he finally fell to sleep.

I thought while I had a few quite moments I would catch up on some much needed blog reading, to not only just have some "Me" time but also to try to calm myself from all of the fuss in getting Caleb down. While I was reading blogs randomly I came across and found a video on there that words simply cannot even begin to describe, I will post it below so that you all can watch it. I sat in my garage all by myself and cried a multitude of tears in thankfulness that my son is a happy, healthy, wonderful little boy and prayed that I will never have to know the 99 days that this family knows all too well.

Hug and kiss your babies and be thankful to God this Thanksgiving that they are who they are

Saturday, November 22, 2008

I'd like to thank that academy

Yeah that's right... I got an award!! I'm still on cloud 9!! I cannot believe it, after 40 + posts an award all my own! See

I have to thank for bestowing upon me my very first award! I love your blog, for those of us like me who are new to this it's nice to have some love.

Now on to some news, I hurt... not like oh no I have a boo-boo but like as in the body that I woke up in this morning is not mine, but that of an 80 year old woman with sever arthritis!! And why do I hurt so bad you ask? (and if you have to ask you have obviously been living under a rock and not following my blog like a good worshiper SHAME ON YOU)

On our last stop of what was an AWFUL Friday, this tag team duo (me and hubby)went to Fed-Ex Kinko's to pick up all of the stuff that was dropped off there and call it a night.

Have I mentioned that with Fed-Ex there is the unwritten (or heck maybe it's written I've never looked) rule that any given driver is supposed to be able to pick up, up to 50 lbs. (with no help, anything over 50 lbs and who ever is shipping it is supposed to have to help, that is to say if there are present when we go to pick it up HA) Easy you say.... yeah well not when 50 lbs is exactly half of your body weight. (Shut up, I'm skinny and I don't give a rats ass what you say, this time of the year it is a direct disadvantage for me... I FREEZE my ass ALL of the time)

We've always known that 50 lbs was a stretch for me but I had yet to be tested (and unbeknownced to me Danny was having doubts.... the nerve) So we get there last night and have the truck almost totally loaded when low and behold my strength is put to the test.

Let me just say that I rocked the shit out of that 60 lbs box with the dolly all the way out to the truck, but that was only half the battle! Danny was waiting at the truck and watched in amazement as I split a vein in my forehead, pulled some inner "I'm one bad bitch" attitude and was able to lift that box right into the back of the truck no questions asked!!

Yeah that's right I did it, what do you have to say about it???

I did it and now this morning I'm paying for it! I hurt in places I didn't even know were connected to muscle!!! I think I may have broken my cooter bone, my back was for sure stripped of any muscle, tendon and/or ligament that was ever once connected to it, my right arm may have been rendered useless for the rest of my days here on earth and my shins well they are a story for a whole nother time (Think I will breath ONE word of how bad I hurt to my husband ..... NOT ON YOUR LIFE) Yeah I'll teach him to doubt me, in my silent shrieks of pain and slow death all weekend long!!

Friday, November 21, 2008

I've got nothing

It's Friday!!! Woo Hoo

I've really got nothing witty or funny to say today, can you believe it??? It's been a long week, which I am sure now that I have a job will be followed by a very short weekend and then Monday will be creeping around the corner before I can even blink. And to that I say... baaaa hum buggg!

On a semi-funny, mostly just stupid side note, Danny called me this morning as Caleb and I were sitting in Village Inn about to eat breakfast (I figured since I have worked so hard all week, that we deserved to go out to breakfast this morning.... one of those executive decisions) to tell me a joke he had just heard that went a little something like this

A proctologist walks into a store to get a few things, get up to the register to pay for his purchases and pulls out his check book. As he reaches for his pen he pulls out a rectal thermometer and says "Great some A-Hole stole my pen"!!

That's all I've got today folks...

Thursday, November 20, 2008

I want Santa to....

So last night, got home late as usual (see post about new job w/ Fed-Ex to explain why I was late) and knew that Danny would be hot on my heels coming thru the door.... what to fix for dinner. No worries I already had a plan, however this plan did not include the rantings of our 3 year old as he screamed at me "momma I want something descent to eat" (yes he really is a sweet boy, and he does always include the word descent when asking for something to eat, God love him, cause some days I'd like to ship him off)

As I looked around the kitchen I tried to find things to keep him busy so I could get dinner ready, which consisted of fried ham, mac & cheese (from a box), and french fries (oh so gourmet I know) when I spied the mail, and what was in the mail but the Wal-Mart "Kid's Holiday Book" BINGO!!! I gave it to Caleb and told him that he needed to start getting ideas of what he wanted Santa to bring him this year for Christmas. Let me just say DAMN I'm one smart momma right??? Yeah I would like to believe that too,(feel free to keep shaking your head up and down in agreement, it makes me feel better about myself) but chances are the being smart part was a bit of a stretch. While it did work to keep him out of my kitchen and out from under my feet while I cooked last night, this DAMN book just will not die.

Right off the bat this morning, we're talking not even 8am yet and he's got his hands on this damn book and all I hear is "I want this" or "momma is this for girls" (this boy of ours seems to be drawn to PINK, Danny is horrified and always says "pink is for girls NOT boys") and "can Santa bring me these 999 things here on this page"!!

My mind is racing and it's got only ONE thought... WHY THE HELL DID I NOT BURN THIS BOOK WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING???

Just so you know.. the score is

Wal-Mart - 1
Momma - 0 (but oh the plans I have for this evil place, don't care if they are my neighbors here in good ol' NW Arkansas or not)

oh and just another FYI.... I think I just might be getting the hang of this whole Fed-Ex gig after all..... (by a show of hands who of you believed that last one???) Cause if you did all I can say is Baaaaaa freakin Haaaaaa!!!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Almost wordless Wednesday

My very best friend the last few days... one corn pillow! This little pillow is filled with deer corn, you simply place it in the microwave for 1 minute and enjoy the warmpth on your aching muscles :) Its a little slice of heaven on one really out of shape body. Thank God for corn pillows!!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

One Ground Momma

Yeah so I'm a stud!!! (As if this has to be said... I mean it's already a well known fact right??)

Yesterday was my first day on the 'ol Fed-Ex Ground job... and I am hopelessly lost, I'm not kidding ya'll this just is, well, its for Rock Stars ONLY!

So ya know when you get a package from the Fed-Ex guy that little scanner thing that you have to sign, the one that your never sure which was to flip it and the one that makes your signature look like that of a serial killer... yeah... that one. Did ya know it costs $3,000.00??? Holy Shit and did you know that it takes a person with the skills matching that of a rocket scientist to know how to work it? Can you see where I am going with this? I am terrified of this small, hand held, piece of gold nugget. All of the buttons, the sounds, the scanner bars, the bar codes oh yeah and the packages not to mention that all of this is done at the speed of light!!!

First stop of the day (this was repeated MANY times, and while I won't be doing all that many deliveries I still have to know HOW to do them in case I'm needed) I'll just number these steps for ya so that you won't get lost

uhhhh hummm

1) know where you are going.. as in which of the 9000 stops you are about to deliver to and or pick up from

2) Park big ass truck (this sounds easy enough, I mean hell I went thru the driving school right.... ummm yeah I parked in a parking lot with NO people and no personal vehicles to potentially damage... and while I wasn't even driving yesterday and probably won't be driving at all this week still it was overwhelming to see it done and to think that this will be me in a week or so)

3) Get package/packages to be delivered

4) Tell scanner which stop you are at make sure things such as shipper #'s and zip codes and all that other yadda yadda yadda fun shit are right or else God knows your scanner will hiss, spit and jump right out of your perfectly capable hands and bitch slap you (it's true and no I don't want to tell you how I know)

5) Scan package (this too sounds easy enough right... umm yeah EFFIN WRONG.... have you ever looked at a package you've gotten from Fed-Ex and seen how many different bar codes are on ONE freakin package seriously are they just itching to make my job HARDER??) so this step should say scan the CORRECT bar code

6) Close bulk head door (the door between the cab of the truck and the box of the truck) cause we don't want people looting the Fed-Ex fairy now do we? (this too would be much easier if said door did not outweigh me)

7) RUN................... did ya get that................ here let me tell you again........... EFFIN RUN up to business/ house (any way you look at it running and me.. well not a pretty sight, remind me to tell you about the one time I thought about taking running up as a healthy hobby.... umm did I mention I'm a smoker HELLO)

8) Get signature (back to the beginning I mentioned that most people don't know how to sign for a package on these scanner things they ALLLLLWAYS think you have handed them the scanner the wrong way, seriously do you think the Fed-Ex guy does this to watch you make an ass of yourself, NO you making an ass of yourself is wasting his precious time so just sign the damn box at the bottom) (also on another side note I learned NEVER to had the person the package first, cause it's just awkward and even more time consuming while they try to find a place to put the package while you are trying to get them to sign for it....)

9) Ask persons last name, because believe you me, your signature is NOT legible (also small side note here.. don't bother to spell your last name out loud WE are not going to type it in exactly how it should be spelled, hell your lucky if we don't assign you a totally new and much SHORTER last name by the time this is all said and done)

10) Type persons first initial and last name into the scanner so that you can close out the stop (yeah about the closing out of a stop thing... big eye opener for me here if you forget to close out a stop while you are actually at the stop and say remember when you are just about to deliver the next package (cause there is ALWAYS another package to be delivered/picked up) Fed-Ex sees that one was closed out and one opened within 1 minute of each other and they DING you, meaning that you don't make as much as you should... bunch of shit right? I thought so too

11) RUN.......................... yeah run your non-athletic, wheezing, panting ass back to the truck

12) JUMP............ yeah this too sounds easy but hello I'm lucky if I'm 5'3 these days and jumping up isn't one thing I've ever been all that good at, so this is not an easy task to complete 999 times!

So you think you want to be the Fed-Ex guy/gal? Did I mention you have an average of something like 1 minute 30 sec or less (actually now that I think of it, I'm sure it was less) at each stop to do all 12 of the above named steps???

Yeah.... I've got my work cut out for me. And all of this because I got into a pissing contest with my husband and his other Fed-Ex buddy (when, oh when will I learn to keep my mouth shut???)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Today's the day

I start my new job today :) Woo Hoo Is it crazy that I am actually excited about this? (A few hours out of the house EVERY day Mon. thru Fri. with no kid, no hubby (after this week) and all the radio I can listen too not to mention all the cigarettes I can smoke while driving (which I have given up since Caleb was born) ... humm no I just can't see why I would even entertain the thought of being excited) The weather is beautiful, a little windy but not so cold that when I walk out the front door I don't think I am going to DIE that is always a plus!

Caleb even gave me the most wonderful gift of sleeping in this morning (well sort of)! Last night he managed to sneak into our bed again and when I finally realized why Danny was all over me (in my mind it was because he was thinking about how sexy I am in my new uniform... HA) was because Caleb was hogging his side of the bed, I finally got up and took Caleb back to his room, laid down with him in his bed for a few minutes until I was sure he would stay there and then got up and went back into my room. Bulldozed Danny back over to his side of the bed and crawled back in myself to await the blissful sleep that was shortly to come. One BIG problem with this.... 2 minutes later there was Caleb standing by my side of the bed asking to "cuddle with momma" which was sweet and all but met with a resounding "NO go get back in your bed"......

So after getting him put back to bed in his own bed I awoke this morning at 9:30 and just about threw myself into cardiac arrest thinking that Caleb had to have been up and God only knew what he was into, or what was so great that he didn't wake me up... I catapulted myself out of bed and flew into the living room sure that I would find it in total disarray only to find that Caleb was still in his bed sleeping :) Woo Hoo

None the less I start work today, have had a great morning and am ready to have a great afternoon driving all around NW Arkansas with my hubby in our fine Fed-Ex ride!

Did I mention that I get to sleep with my boss, HA I am the shit!!

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The sky is falling

Is it just me or does anyone else out there feel this way, with all that is going on in the world today???

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Being the "nice mom"

So the other night I had put Caleb to bed after our bedtime routine, bath, rocking, saying prayers, singing all 4 of our songs, drink of "super water" (which he has no clue is just regular ol run of the mill tap water) and then tucked into bed with kisses from momma and daddy. Ahh all is well with the world and now it's MY time.

Caleb didn't get that memo! So after the usual "momma I gotta go poo poo" up and to the potty (which I would complain about but hey, he actually goes and its in the potty and not in his pants... I'm good with that) then came the "momma I gotta go pee pee" not that he couldn't have done that while sitting down to poop but by this time it was just WHATEVER!! Back to bed all tucked in with his brown bear and beepy and off to La La Land! WRONG again!

This is where I would normally yell at him and threaten bodily harm if he does not get quiet, get still and GO TO SLEEP, but on this night I thought ok, I'll play the good mom and see how well this works for once...

I go into his room and he is laying in his bed (which was a good sign, I figured with all the noise that was coming out of there, he had to be trying to swing from his ceiling fan and stick a 10.0 landing for the judges) but as soon as he sees me he sticks both hands and what ever it was he was playing with under the covers. Still I lean down give him a kiss on the forehead and say "give me what you are playing with, it is time to go to sleep and not time to play" (mission accomplished nice mom I thought as I patted myself on the back with one hand and held the other out to collect the toy I knew he had under those covers). Caleb just gets this blank look on his face and then reaches over and drops something into my hand, smiles and says "here ya go momma, if you really want my boogie it's all yours"!!!

DAMN that nice mom! Fits of hysterical laughter ensued, I mean so hard that I thought I might just pee my pants and to make matters even worse I just couldn't wait till I had left his room to start laughing no... I just had to bust out right there bent over beside his bed, so then he was laughing too!! And it was one of those oh so hard belly laughs that just make moms laugh anyway!

I love my life, and that little heathen is the best thing God ever gave Danny and I (even though on any given day I'd tell ya differently)!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Random Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Another late night

Am I the only mother in the world who lays awake at night hoping, whishing, praying for sleep? I mean seriously I am thinking I need drugs here!

Lets run thru last night.

11:00 in bed with good book, hubby beside me in bed with good book reading, relaxing and welcoming the yawns that follow. 11:45 put good books down, turn on fans (yes that is plural there are now 3 fans in our room and I would lose my damn mind if one, just one of them went missing. The latest addition to these bedtime lullaby machines is not only a fan but also a humidifier and I am in love, oh so much love with it) none the less fans on, lights off and it's off to La La Land right?? If you said right... let me just go ahead and tell you what an idiot you are because you were SOOO NOT RIGHT. 12:00 still awake, roll over try to get comfortable and ahh 12:45 yup let me check the clock oh yeah still awake.

This went on until shortly after 2:00 and the reason I know what time it was is because at 2:00 I am laying there pissed off that I am not asleep, and even more pissed off that I have had to roll my husbands snoring, lifless body over no less than about 10 times because as you guessed it he was alseep by 11:46. So where was I, oh yes 2:00 all of a sudden Danny rolls over like he has just been hit with a pile of flying bricks coming through the side of the house and where I was once staring at his back, I am now staring at his ARMPIT! Momma's not happy, not sleeping and she will be damned if she is going to lay awake with her nose in daddy's armpit until she falls asleep (not that I don't dig Oldspice deodorant, but come on) so I jab him in the ribs and tell him to roll the f*ck, I mean sweetly ask him to roll over without ever opening my eyes, I have perfected this after years of sleeping with this man. Only he doesn't roll over! The nerve of him he doesn't roll over again when this same method is used again in an ever more convincing manor. THAT'S IT! I open my eyes and with all the might I could muster (which I don't know if you have ever read anything about adrenaline and how it can cause people to be able to do freak things like lift cars but lets just say it was on my side last night when needed) I shoved the shit out of him only to be scolded by this tiny little voice coming from his other armpit.... "Momma quit hitting Daddy, I'm trying to sleep over here"

WTF???? How did you get there, even more importantly what the hell are you doing in OUR bed when you have a perfectly fine bed in your own room!!!!!

So of course I am the one to get up and carry him back into his room, lay down with him and try to get him to go back to sleep. Just when I think he's finally out I try to sneak out of his bed and he says "momma Plankton is in my head and he keeps making me get out of bed" now it's official my kid watches too much Sponge Bob! Finally at around 3:00 I come back to bed and try once again to go to sleep... although the thought of calling Sissy and seeing if she had any string cheese she'd be willing to share, or if Asher had already eaten it all did cross my mind.

Last time I looked at the clock it was 4:06 and can you guess who was bright eyed and bushy tailed standing in my bedroom at 7:15!!

Moral to the story... ahh hell I'm too tired for morals today momma needs a nap!!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

My new look

Well??? What do ya think of the new look? I am in love with it. I have to say a HUGE thank you to my "expert" for designing it just for me, I will be forever in his debt for this WONDERFUL page creation he has come up with! Did I mention that I am in love with this page??? Ahhh now it's mine all mine!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Change it is a coming

Bet you thought this was going to be a political post didn't ya! Well HA it's not. Just wanted to let you (who ever you are that reads this blog) know that I am planning some major changes for my page in the very near future hopefully! I have put my faith and trust in an expert to come up with something just for me :) Soon we shall see how it turns out!! So keep checking back change it is a coming!!

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

3 posts in one day....

Damn I'm good...

Ok so I have been tagged by Sissy over at and since this is the first time I've ever been tagged I feel that it would be VERY rude of me not to at least attempt this. So rules are that you can only use one word to answer the following questions

Here goes nothing

1. Where is your cell phone?


2. Where is your significant other?

3. Your hair color?

4. Your mother?

5. Your father?

6. Your favorite thing?
Romance (ha as if I've been romanced in well shit... have I ever??)

7. Your dream last night?

8. Your dream/goal?
Are you supposed to have one of these??

9. The room you're in?
Living room (about to be bedroom, my son is napping... why am I not???)

10. Your hobby?
Smoking (LMAO)

11. Your fear?

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?

13. Where were you last night?

14. What you're not?
I'm going with Sissy on this one and saying Stripper LOL

15. One of your wish-list items?
Flat screen TV

16. Where you grew up?

17. The last thing you did?

18. What are you wearing?
PJ's (ahh gotta love the life of a SAHM)

19. Your TV?

20. Your pets?

21. Your computer?

22. Your mood?

23. Missing someone?
Not really

24. Your car?

25. Something you're not wearing?
Make up

26. Favorite store?
Bed Bath & Beyond

27. Your summer?

28. Love someone?

29. Your favorite color?

30. When is the last time you laughed?

31. Last time you cried?


Growing up when all of my friends were saying how they wanted to go to college to be a Dr. or a lawyer or a large animal vet I can remember only ever wanting to be one thing. That one thing to me was more important, more meaningful more life changing than any Dr. or lawyer could ever hope to be. I wanted to be a mom.

Even before the days of "Danny and Krissi" (hard to believe looking back that those days existed seeing as how we dated for so long back in the day) I knew I wanted to get married, settle down and start a family. I wanted to be able to watch my children grow (yes I said children... I used to want both a boy and a girl a lot has changed since then) help to teach them and watch them become wonderfully well adjusted adults, and to see what they would go out into the world and become. My mind would think endless thoughts of the things to come, the days we would spend doing all of the fun things that parents do with their children. I would think of the nights we would cuddle, the sweet lullabies I would sing them, how sweet their little voices would sound when saying their prayers before bed... honestly I thought about it all.

I remember the gut wrenching heart break I felt time after time I would take a pregnancy test just certain I was pregnant and to no avail that second pink or purple line would never show. I remember having to watch so many of my friends and family start their families when they least expected it, not trying, sometimes not wanting to have a child... and still nothing.

I still remember January 7, 2005 when I took the most important, life changing pregnancy test. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I remember taking it, laying it on the back of the toilet and going on about my morning getting ready to go to work.

I remember the night before I took it that Danny and I got into a fight because I usually would have bought one of those cheap Wal-Mart brand tests that always lead to heart ache but for some reason or another I bought one at the pharmacy next door to where I worked and it was expensive, Danny was pissed that I paid so much for it seeing as how he knew and I knew that I was not pregnant.

I remember walking back into the bathroom to check it just before I went in to wake Danny up, and I remember seeing one dark puprle line and one faint purple line that I had wanted so badly to see and the fact that my heart skipped a beat (ok in all honesty I think it skipped several, hell it's a miracle I'm still alive and didn't just fall over dead right then and there from shock). I remember the tears just flowing down my cheeks, I remember crying so hard when I woke Danny up that he thought something was really wrong. (I still have that test in a drawer in my bathroom.. yeah yeah we won't even get into how gross it is that I have a stick that has 3 year old pee on it)

Now that Caleb has been in our lives for over 3 years, some days it is easy to forget what we or really I had to go through to get him here. It was so difficult to concieve him and there were so many scares along the way throughout my pregnancy, bed rest, hormones, boils from hell, you name it happened to me or I did it and all the while ever so thankful to be pregnant and scared to death that I would lose him before I ever got him here.

But alsa he is here and he is a happy, healthy, all be it rotten little boy. Who some days I could throw my hands up in the air and call it quits because of and some days like today I could lay on the couch and snuggle with all day long.

I have to remind myself often to be thankful for the gifts that God himself has given me, it's too easy to get frustrated and only see the negative things in our lives some days. Some days I just have to stop and remember how I got where I am in my life and just how worth it life has become.

Why I didn't vote for him

Ok so I've done my level best to keep from posting a political blog here on my page but then this morning I thought, hell it's my damn blog I'll post what I damn well please. I voted for John McCain and Sarah Palin not because I agree with everything they have said and done but because my views are most in line with theirs on big ticket issues such a abortion, health care, the economy ect.

Today while reading another blog I came across this editorial and I urge every Obama supporter to read it and just TRY to tell me that you still think Obama is the best candidate to put in the White House (it is a bit long but well worth it, and I have fact checked it and wow... HOLY SHIT it's true!!!)


To Barack Hussein Obama,

The New York Times carried a story on Saturday, October 4, 2008 , that proved you had a significantly closer relationship with Bill Ayers than what you previously admitted. While the issue of your relationship is of concern, the greater concern is that you lied to America about it.

The Chicago Sun reported on May 8, 2008 , that FBI records showed that you had a significantly closer relationship with Tony Rezko than what you previously admitted. In the interview, you said that you only saw Mr. Rezko a couple of times a year. The FBI files showed that you saw him weekly. While the issue of your relationship is of concern, the greater concern is that you lied to America about it.

Your speech in Philadelphia on March 18, 2008 , about "race" contradicted your statement to Anderson Cooper on March 14 when you said that you never heard Reverend Wright make his negative statements about white America . While your attendance at Trinity Church for 20 years is of concern, the greater concern is that you lied to America on March 14.

In your 1st debate with John McCain, you said that you never said that you would meet with the leaders of Cuba , Venezuela, Iran, and North Korea without "preparations" at lower levels ... Joe Biden repeated your words in his debate with Sarah Palin ... while the video tape from your debate last February clearly shows that you answered "I would" to the question of meeting with those leaders within 12 months without "any" preconditions. While your judgment about meeting with enemies of the USA without pre-conditions is of concern, the greater concern is that you lied to America in the debate with McCain.

On July 14, 2008 , you said that you always knew that the surge would work while the video tapes of you from more than a year ago show that you stated that the surge would not work. While your judgment about military strategy as a potential commander-in-chief is of concern, the greater concern is that you lied to America on July 14.

You now claim that your reason for voting against funding for the troops was because the bill did not include a time line for withdrawal, while the video tapes of you from more than a year ago show that you voted against additional funding because you wanted our troops to be removed immediately ... not in 16 months after the 2008 election as you now claim. While your judgment about removing our troops unilaterally in 2007 is of concern, the greater concern is that you lied to America about your previous position.

You claim to have a record of working with Republicans while the record shows that the only bill that you sponsored with a Republican was with Chuck Lugar ... and it failed. The record shows that you vote 97% in concert with the Democrat party and that you have the most liberal voting record in the Senate. You joined Republicans only 13% of the time in your votes and those 13% were only after agreement from the Democrat party. While it is of concern that you fail to include conservatives in your actions and that you are such a liberal, the greater concern is that you distorted the truth.

In the primary debates of last February, 2008, you claimed to have talked with a "Captain" of a platoon in Afghanistan "the other day" when in fact you had a discussion in 2003 with a Lieutenant who had just been deployed to Afghanistan . You lied in that debate.

In your debates last spring, you claimed to have been a "professor of Constitutional law" when in fact you have never been a professor of Constitutional law. In this last debate, you were careful to say that you "taught a law class" and never mentioned being a "professor of Constitutional law." You lied last spring.

You and Joe Biden both claimed that John McCain voted against additional funding for our troops when the actual records show the opposite. You distorted the truth.

You and Joe Biden claim that John McCain voted against funding for alternate energy sources 20 times when the record shows that John McCain specifically voted against funding for bio fuels, especially corn ... and he was right .... corn is too expensive at producing ethanol, and using corn to make ethanol increased the price of corn from $2 a bushel to $6 a bushel for food. You distorted the truth.

You and Joe Biden claim that John McCain voted like both of you for a tax increase on those making as little as $42,000 per year while the voting record clearly shows that John McCain did not vote as you and Joe Biden. You lied to America .

You and Joe Biden claim that John McCain voted with George W. Bush 90% of the time when you know that Democrats also vote 90% of the time with the President (including Joe Biden) because the vast majority of the votes are procedural. You are one of the few who has not voted 90% of the time with the president because you have been missing from the Senate since the day you got elected. While your absence from your job in the Senate is of concern, the greater concern is that you spin the facts.

You did not take an active role in the rescue plan. You claimed that the Senate did not need you while the real reason that you abstained was because of your close relationships with the executives of Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Countrywide, and Acorn ... who all helped cause the financial problems of today ... and they all made major contributions to your campaign. While your relationship with these executives and your protection of them for your brief 3 years in the Senate (along with Barney Frank, Chuck Schumer, Maxine Waters, and Chris Dodd) is of concern, the greater concern is that you are being deceitful.

You forgot to mention that you personally represented Tony Rezko and Acorn. Tony Rezko, an Arab and close friend to you, was convicted of fraud in Chicago real estate transactions that bilked millions of tax dollars from the Illinois government for renovation projects that you sponsored as a state senator ... and Acorn has been convicted of voter fraud, real estate sub prime loan intimidation, and illegal campaign contributions. Tony Rezko has contributed hundreds of thousands of dollars to your political campaigns. You personally used your political positions to steer money to both Tony Rezko and Acorn and you used Acorn to register thousands of phony voters for Democrats and you. While your relationships with Rezko and Acorn are of concern, the greater concern is that you omitted important facts about your relationships with them to America .

During your campaign, you said: "typical white person." "They cling to their guns and religion." "They will say that I am black." You played the race card. You tried to label any criticism about you as racist. You divide America .

You claim that you will reduce taxes for 95% of America , but you forgot to tell America that those reductions are after you remove the Bush tax reductions. You have requested close to $1 billion in earmarks and several million for Acorn. Your social programs will cost America $1 trillion per year and you claim that a reduction in military spending ($100 billion for Iraq ) can pay for it. While your economic plan of adding 30% to the size of our federal government is of concern, the greater concern is that you are deceiving America .

The drain to America 's economy by foreign supplied oil is $700 billion per year (5% of GDP) while the war in Iraq is $100 billion (less than 1% of GDP). You voted against any increases to oil exploration for the last 3 years and any expansion of nuclear facilities. Yet today, you say that you have always been for more oil and more nuclear. You are lying to America .

Mr. Obama, you claimed that you "changed" your mind about public financing for your campaign because of the money spent by Republican PACs in 2004. The truth is that the Democrat PACs in 2004, 2006, and 2008 spent twice as much as the Republican PACs (especially George Soros and You are lying to America .

Mr. Obama, you have done nothing to stop the actions of the teachers union and college professors in the USA . They eliminated religion from our history. They teach pro gay agendas and discuss sex with students as young as first grade. They bring their personal politics into the classrooms. They disparage conservatives. They brainwash our children. They are in it for themselves ..... not America. Are you reluctant to condemn their actions because teachers/professors and the NEA contribute 25% of all money donated to Democrats and none to Republicans? You are deceiving America .

Oh, Mr. Obama, Teddy Roosevelt said about a hundred years ago that we Americans should first look at the character of our leaders before anything else. Your character looks horrible. While you make good speeches, motivating speeches, your character does not match your rhetoric. You talk the talk, but do not walk the walk.

1. You lied to America . You lied many times. You distorted facts. You parsed your answers like a lawyer.

2. You distorted the record of John McCain in your words and in your advertisements.

3. You had associations with some very bad people for your personal political gains and then lied about those associations.

4. You divide America about race and about class.

Now let me compare your record of lies, distortions, race baiting, and associations to John McCain: War hero. Annapolis graduate with "Country first." Operational leadership experience like all 43 previously elected presidents of the USA as a Navy officer for 22 years. 26 years in the Senate. Straight talk. Maverick. 54% of the time participated on bills with Democrats. Never asked for an earmark. The only blemish on his record is his part in the Keating 5 debacle about 25 years ago.

Mr. Obama, at Harvard Law School , you learned that the end does not justify the means. You learned that perjury, false witness, dishonesty, distortion of truth are never tolerated. Yet, your dishonesty is overwhelming. Your dishonesty is tremendously greater than the dishonesty that caused the impeachment and disbarment of Bill Clinton. Your dishonesty is tremendously greater than the dishonesty of Scooter Libby. You should be ashamed.

Mr. Obama, it is time for us Americans to put aside our differences on political issues and vote against you because of your dishonest character. It is time for all of us Americans to put aside our political issues and vote for America first. It is time for America to vote for honesty.

Any people who vote for you after understanding that you are dishonest should be ashamed of themselves for making their personal political issues more important than character. Would these same people vote for the anti-Christ if the anti-Christ promised them riches? Would they make a golden calf while Moses was up the mountain? Would they hire someone for a job if that someone lied in an interview? Of course not. So why do some of these people justify their votes for you even though they know you are dishonest? Why do they excuse your dishonesty? Because some of these people are frightened about the future, the economy, and their financial security .... and you are preying on their fears with empty promises ... and because some (especially our young people) are consumed by your wonderful style and promises for "change" like the Germans who voted for Adolf Hitler in 1932. The greed/envy by Germans in 1932 kept them from recognizing Hitler for who he was. They loved his style. Greed and envy are keeping many Americans from recognizing you ... your style has camouflaged your dishonesty .... but many of us see you for who you really are ... and we will not stop exposing who you are every day, forever if it is necessary.

Mr. Obama, you are dishonest. Anyone who votes for you is enabling dishonesty.

Mr. Obama , America cannot trust that you will put America first in your decisions about the future.

Mr. Obama, you are not the "change" that America deserves. We cannot trust you.

Mr. Obama, You are not ready and not fit to be commander-in-chief.

Mr. Obama, John McCain does not have as much money as your campaign to refute all of your false statements. And for whatever reasons, the mainstream media will not give adequate coverage or research about your lies, distortions, word parsing, bad associations, race baiting, lack of operational leadership experience, and generally dishonest character. The media is diverting our attention from your relationships and ignoring the fact that you lied about
those relationships. The fact that you lied is much more important than the relationships themselves .... just like with Bill Clinton and Richard Nixon ... Monica Lewinski and Watergate were not nearly as bad as the fact that those men lied about the events ... false witness ... perjury ... your relationships and bad judgments are bad on their own... but your lies are even worse.

Therefore, by copy of this memo, all who read this memo are asked to send it to everyone else in America before it is too late. We need to do the job that the media will not do. We need to expose your dishonesty so that every person in America understands who you really are before election day.

Mr. Obama, in a democracy, we get what we deserve. And God help America if we deserve you.

Michael Master
McLean , Virginia


I honestly wish I had found this a little sooner than today, seeing as how so many have voted early and so many have already gone to the polls today (ha I say that like so many people actually read this blog.. I'm really not that full of myself)

None the less let this be considered my political rantings! I guess we shall see in the next few days who will be running this wonderful country of ours but let it be said that if Obama is elected I will bitch about the man all I want because I DIDN'T VOTE FOR THE IDIOT!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Kid's say.....

While I was standing in the kitchen cooking some mighty tasty ribs for dinner Caleb tells me that he has to go pee, off to the bathroom he runs and then returns to me with underwear in hand and a puzzled look on his face saying

"Mom you gotta look at this"

I look down to see a "skid mark" in his underwear and ask him what happened, to which he replied

"that's my toot momma, when I tooted I had a bubble and that's just what toot bubbles do to my underwear"